It's one of those times. Hello Id.

hello all.Ü I have sunk into miserable torpor last Sunday and yesterday but hurrah, I've bounced back again.:D Good grief, at ako lang nagbibigay sakin ng problema. Well, that's a masochist for you. I seem to revel in wallowing in self-induced (and most prolly imaginary) knives-through-the-sides thingy.XP Well, wouldn't you find being miserable irresistible one time or another?:P

I wrote this down sometime, er, yesterday? The other yesterday?o_0 I forgot.XP

WARNING, this entry was laced with a nice dose of brandy (warms the heart, that.XD) I swear I am so disgusting when I give in to bouts of ridiculous sappiness.XP Le ugh. Now midears, if you lot aren't my true friends and you plan to laugh your heads off once you read this entry I will hunt you down and hang you upside down a tree by your toenails. Now THAT has to hurt.XP

I had another sad dream yesternight. Or just this morning, if you want to be specific about it.XP I've been having quite a few of those running around lately, which isn't very nice, and I would think a bit more than my share ought to be, wouldn't you agree?XP I cried again, in my dream. Been doing a greater quantity of those in my dreams, too. Bleah. If only I could do it in real life, then that would be cathartic, and that would be great. (still haven't done it, though, it's stuck way deep down there somewhere) But unfortunately, the sadder I get, the more I laugh. (o0, baliw ako.XP) Which is why I was laughing like a donkey going hee-haw yesternight, and I hadn't even touched the brandy yet. Hay, life.

In my dream I had an uberload of pimples, which is like the great gong of alarm signalling stress. Oooh, I had better not break out in real life, or I swear I shall throw a fit. Remember this poem? (Well I'm talking to myself here, so clearly I expect only me to remember this poem, tuh)

A tear slid down my cheek today. I blame,
Midear, you. Who, I finally admit,
I love. Oh, damn it all to hell. It hit
Me squarely just last night. I'm not ashamed,
Just...lost. And sad and happy at the same
Time. It's quite curious. I don't really fit
In your life quite that way, but I will sit
Here in the shadows, covering the flame
That keeps my silly heart warm. I want you
To know. But then again, oh, never mind.
If I can't ever have you, that's just fine.
If there is nothing left for me to do
Than love you secretly through all my years,
I'll love you. You don't have to catch my tears.

Now, that is a sonnet.XP Not exactly my best one, but it's spilling over with true emotion, that I can assure you, damn.XP Oh, and I wrote it mga December pa, so you don't go on thinking everyday na, oh, you fell in love again last night??XP Duuuuuuuuude.XP

Now, here's the thing. I don't think I can live like this forever anymore. (yes, forever is a pretty exaggerated term. But so what, I was feeling emo.XP Bugger off.) Loving secretly and from a distance and all that crap. (hoooo, crap daw I said, sinong ipokrita?XP) Uuuuuuuurgh masyadong mabigat sa damdamin. Puso, if you will.XP When I hear someone say, "she's my world" (and means it), I'd probably (prolly!) break down right there in the street. (duuuuuude. I wish I could say I had a bad rush of hormones or something. Ugh, I am SO disgusting I swear.XP) Because that's what I want. Ohh, hopeless romantic crap. Yes, ako ang Bato. Ngunit there is a tiny blob of slush inside too.XP Anyway, back to what I was saying. 'Pag ako nagmahal, hindi basta-basta joke time lang. Unfortunately, para akong nanay ko kung magmahal: completely, selflessly, all that bullcrap that gives you nothing but migraines. (gee, thanks Mom.)And I want to feel that kind of love too. I want, hmmm...a Mark Darcy! (woooooooh, hot.XP) And if you've watched Edge of Reason, you'll know what I mean. And if you haven't, well, sucks to you. So anyway, moving on.

Mahal kita. Yun lamang. Sinasabi ko lang. Kung bakit, hindi ko alam. Pero I'm offering the words without strings, attachments, expectations, etc. Para siyang may nakapalibot na black hole.XP I just wanted you to know.

And, like I always say (well, I do these days anyway), life goes on.

(teka, may PS pa pala 'to...)...I want to be an airhead. You know, the ones making parada-parada and porma-porma with long straight (ironed XP) hair and makeup and miniskirts and everything. I swear they have it so much easier. Then I could have a string of boylets and sleep around and be a drama queen and everything. Happiness.XP

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.....aaaaaand that's where it ends.XP Holy crud, o 'di ba ang drama ko.XP And incidentally, if you do have long straight (ironed) hair and et cetera, well, you aren't necessarily an airhead, aren't you?XP Napapraning lang ako sa entry ko, but still, I'm sure you lot know what airhead is.:D

Dyuuuuuuuusko, I swear I am so horrendously disgusting when I go emo, even I cringe at myself.XP

See, there are these very few instances where my ego loses control over my id, see. I almost never let my emotions show too much, since ego feels that showing emotion overall makes falqi a bit vulnerable.XP So ego is usually able to keep funny old id in check. But sometimes id just breaks loose, like a tidal wave.XP Though when it does, it doesn't break through completely; my ego is already rapidly at work doing damage control.XP Which is why I say blech at myself when I go emotional and I go, oooooh, look at me, I am utterly horrendous when I go senti.XP

Ooooh, so maybe that's why I write poems a lot, hmmm? So my poor little id can have an outlet kahit papaano.XD Poor little id.