More resolutions and confessions

thought up of more new year's resolutions, hurrah. Where was I? 7?

MORE NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

7. shed my skinny appendages and sprout all-new beefy ones that are waaaay cool.XD to do this, we move on to

8. which is do all my exercises religiously. And train religiously. But training is a whole new banana, which is

9. umusbong bilang arnisador, not only in the sport but in the art, which is to say not only master the body but master the heart/spirit/you get my point. I'm not feeling very ooooh wordy right now.XD

10. strain and manhandle myself to buy new books so I can expand my intellectual horizons, which are unfortunately collapsing in on themselves when exposed to rutty subjects like History and SA, which man oh man should have been the coolest subjects ever.XP

I HAVE A CONFESSION

....because really and golly gee, I needn't be so chipper and light all the time in my blog, right?XP Lately I find myself more and more utterly repressed in terms of expressing my true emotions, which is absolutely rutty. (<--new word for the day, coined it meself.XD)

SO. I must confess......

may mahal ako.

(o0 erica, isa akong masamang kaibigan, hindi ako nagkukuwento.XP ilang beses ko nang inisip na ibroach yung topic kina dappy, kaso, ahhhhh....SHY AKO.XD HAHAHAHA. may mga ibang nakakaalam na though, because whaddya know, I tell it randomly to random people!XD hahaha. PLEASE sana avoid niyo the asar asaran and the tilian and the yiheean, which is the part I absolutely hate and is the primary reason I don't tell it, and really, I didn't want to tell you guys until I was super sure. At lahat pa kayo sawi at the time, so parang panira ng mood. Haha excuses. Hanggang ngayon I still feel queer about it, cuz it's a whole new banana, pero siguro mga 92.345% yes na ko.XD)

but dooooooodes. After 19 bloody years, waw.XD

So how do I know? Baka crush lang 'to falqi, shet. But one thing to know about falqi is that she gets crushes (the serious kind, I mean, and not the Tom Cruise kind) once in a million eons, and somehow I think this ain't no crush no more. I don't really know know, not really. But if you think about it too hard (which I sometimes do), you'll miss the whole point...because somehow you just know. Or feel. Whichever it is. Hah, may mechanism lang talaga kasi ang aking annoyingly rational mind.XP

Kelan ko nalaman? Hmmmm I don't really know. It's like walking along a corridor painted red that's slowly blending into pink, and somewhere down the road you're gonna say, o, white na pala yung walls?o_0 crappy imagery, but that's the best I can do for now.XP

And unlike dati in, um, a whole other banana I had a very hard time even accepting the fact na maybe kinda sorta I liiiiiiiiike him maaaaaaybe you know, but then again maybe nooooooooot, ngayon it's just like this: Mahal ko siya. Simple as that. Siguro dati weird lang ako.XD Ahh dati I thought of it as a weakness, and I sure as hell wasn't going to admit I was weak. But now wala lang.

Pestilence nga, ang laking peste sa buhay nitong pagmamahal na 'to ha!XP Masakeeeeeet sa dibdib, and you know my inner emotions usually manifest themselves in literal chest pains that leave me hospitalized and when all the bloody expensive tests are done they show I'm in perfect health. Shitshitshit.) Napapahagulgol pa ko, AND I DON'T FRICKIN' CRY. Not over these kinds of things anyway.XP My sister laughed at me. Prolly thought, hah, binalikan ka rin.XP Humpf.

So why do I love him? Ewan. (how romantic, that I am.XP) Because he is who he is, and that's it.XP And it's actually nice to just love freely, wholly, secretly, distantly without expecting anything, ('di nga raw ako magkakaboyfriend 'di ba humpf, but that's okay since that doesn't necessarily have to be the goal) since it's an absolute seeeeeeeecret and nobody has to know I love him at all. (puwera na lang kung napaka-obvious ko pala shet, magpakamatay na lang kaya ako.XD) YES IT HAS ITS ABSOLUTELY SUCKY MOMENTS, but hey, that's life. And I'm me, I'm afraid. And that's how I love. Learned it from me mum, methinks. As she puts it, 'di na iniisip sarili. Handang idrop ang lahat and all that shit. DUUUUUUUDE, can you believe I'm saying this?? Like, doooooooode, it's me talking here.XP

(erica, yes I can feel that I owe you all a veeeeeery long kwento, BUT I will make it a ransom and say kelangan nating lumabas ulet! Hahaha. Not like the once every six months lakad na ginagawa natin, because that is so sad.XP)

Wouldn't it be too nutty if wala palang nagbasa ng entry na ito?XD Hahaha. But I don't mind, as long as I finally got it in the open. It's like bloodletting: sometimes you just have to let the blood out.XP Cool, now I think I'm going to start writing a poem about bloodletting.XD That's the funny thing about love, ain't it? You have to shout it out to the whole wide world at one point or another. Because really, you can't keep ALL that feeling in. (YES, love is not a feeling according to psych, I knooooooooow.)

Unless you are a Final Fantasy Bomb Monster, in which case could I ask you when on earth is that gorgeous specimen of digital manflesh Cloud finally coming on DVD???XP