Now let's go to our adolescent years, shall we?

Crud, I lost this entry again.XP I swear I'm gonna KILL blogger.XP Useless.

ANYWAY. What significant memories do I have of my grade school/early high school life that made an impact on my overall personality?:o

WELL. I had a barkada in grade school. As in we were super close, and I was super open to them (as in completely) and yeah, effectively made myself vulnerable to them. (oh, you know where this is going, don't you?XP)

First year high school came, and voila! ...Iniwan nila ako. Huhuhu. (Yak, I'm not gonna CRY or anything cruddy, mind.) Exag, as in okay pa naman sana if we totally disintegrated, but no, it was more like they were all hanging out, minus me!XP Baka may problema lang talaga sa 'kin nun.XP (yep, blaming meself again.XP) Crud. Imagine, first year high school, at pag recess and lunch lagi akong naiiwang mag-isa sa classroom!XP Man! How LOSER is that??XP

SO. That was the start of my Great Wall of China. From that day forth, super guarded na ako when it comes to relationships. As in I NEVER let my guard down.XP And I always have an uberly healthy dose of skepticism as to whether relationships last. They don't. Really. I'm being realistic.XP I love my present barx to death, but kahit sa kanila I'm still guarded...as in I keep expecting them to find that I'm not such great friend material after all and then just up and leave me.XP (oh crud, how screwed up am I??) And the thing is, okay lang na sila let their guard down sa akin because I won't leave, pero ako hirap na hirap maging unguarded. No, scratch that, I'm NEVER unguarded. (except pehaps when I'm roaring drunk.XD) It's unfair, YAH, I know.

Or baka tinataas ko lang sarili ko and I think I'm better than anyone else and this is just another manifestation of my utter narcissism. Oh, well.XP

WELL. Now I'm in my late adolescent years (gahh! Malapit na akong maging 20!X0 I'm OLD!X0) And oooooooh, I have a significant other now!:o ...whom I love to bits, by the way. But yaaaaaaah, there's still that nagging self-preservation mechanism of mine who is always guarded, ALWAYS...XP I swear, my ID is SCREAMING for love and attention, but at the same time something else is holding me back to safety...XP Might this be intimacy VS isolation??XP Well, at least I'm in the right age bracket, anyway.XD I have to do something about this utterly horrid problem of mine, though, or I'll be STUCK like a RAT in those STICKY YUCKY THINGS forever.X0 But it's HARD!XP