Oh! Now I remember something.

Here now, I finally remember something about my childhood that includes my mum!:D

There was this one time na I almost drowned in a swimming pool, and my mummy's reaction when I was finally hauled out of the pool was that she went raging mad and went on about oooooooh, how I was to blame (because somehow I took in into my head that I could actually swim in the ten-foot-deep part of the pool, hahaha) blah dee blah dee blah.

Oh, and there was this one time na nagkasalisihan kami sa Megamall ('di pa uso cellphone nun, and we got kinda mixed up on where to meet after doing the groceries) and she went into I'm An Irritable Mummy mood again and went on a long rant (still in Megamall, by the way) about if I had done this and I had done that, hadn't done this hadn't done that, hindi magkakaleche-leche buhay namin.XP And the thing is, sobrang insignificant pa nung event, wala pang namatay or anything. As in we were only separated like five to ten minutes, at nag-alburoto na siya.XP

In any case, the thing I most distinctly remember about those incidents was her favorite word: "Sana." Sana ginawa mo to, sana ginawa mo yun. Et cetera et cetera.XP

So I suppose I've been conditioned to take the blame chuvaness. And yeah, nakikita ko 'yan sa sarili ko. I NEVER blame anybody else for anything.XP There's always a way I could have influenced the situation from not turning out the way it did, or so I always tell myself. Kahit na super far-fetched na.XP (or baka I'm just stuck at the Pre-Conventional Stage and I have a healthy helping of egocentrism, is all.X0)

In retrospect, cognitively I KNOW mummy just doesn't admit mistakes, ever. As in she always finds a way to make it baling to someone else. So I guess nasanay na akong maging...err...doormat? Scapegoat? in everything else din actually.XP As in I always act as the sponge for other people's tetchinesses. Para na rin matapos na ang issue.XP

Gahd, I'm so screwed up.XP