...hello!:D

Wow, 7 episodes of Full Metal Alchemist downloaded by Inggy!:D Yay!:D (wala nang tulugan to!:D All pretense of studying, away!:D) Hanggang episode 24. No spoilers please. Or else I will KILL.:p

Wheee, biglang gumaan load ng week ko!:D hohoho. What fun. (I may have spoken too soon, but! Kahit na!:D) Considerably lighter than the past coupla days.:D

Oh. Tournament pala last weekend.:D Yaaaay. 'Di nga lang ako pwedeng mag-anyo. Hummmf. Ganda pa naman sana nung bagong espada y daga form ni sir ry, but ohwell!:D

Hum dee hum. La dee dah.:D Wala lang.:D

theHERETICisIN.
o come, all ye faithful.

Hungry.:s

Um. I'm hungry.:o Waiting for daddy to pick me up.:D AND. Wala pala akong pera sa wallet, HAHAHA. Anlakas ng apog kong mag-internet.XD

Er. Fiddled around with my grades. Humpf. Ayoko nang mawindang sa graaaaaaaaaaades.X0 Ngunit. It seems that I must make career of my final year to graduate nicely. Pero. Kung hinde. Eh di hinde.XD

Puchang ina may nagyoyosi ditoooohh???X0 Gurrrrrrrr.

Huuuuuuungry.:s

theHERETICisIN.
o come, all ye faithful.

Here in the darkness

There is much that can be learned here in the darkness, in this still, silent limbo called night. Here in the darkness most everything that seems important in the light of day fades into the shadows that border on nothingness. Chasing grades, graduating with honors, money, success, prestige, getting to join a competition, the esteem of the world. All that jazz. And one is happily left with, seemingly, nothing. Except for, maybe, the purpose of finding a purpose in life.

Maybe I'm just weird. Or I think too much. Surely, life would be altogether more pleasant, not to mention ridiculously easier, if I were to traipse merrily along down the road where we are all inevitably pointed towards. Live, breathe, die. School, career, family, kids. And so forth. Somehow I haven't been able to stop this spiel from rolling over and over again in my head. What is the purpose of life? Seems like I haven't gotten anywhere near to answering that question since it first made a troublesome bother of itself some blinking years ago. Well. I suppose I could think of it as a good thing. If and when I reach the end of that road and finally find the answer to all life's questions, that would be exactly what it is: the end of the road. So I could actually call all this endless questioning: living.

And so I question again. Here in the darkness where all melts away, and all the seemingly shiny things that looked so pretty in the daytime have no light of their own after all. Shit. Fuck. Where am I? Where do I go? And even if I did go there, where is there? And what's so damn good about it?

Sometime around two, three years ago I hung my search for answers of the beyond-temporal kind on a hook somewhere as I plunged entirely into the material world of, well, the world. And all was good, for a time. In the daytime, if I kept moving fast enough, all those questions would not be able to catch up with me. All that glaring emptiness. Move, move, move.

Here in the darkness all is still and silent. And the mind is left to wander free to ponder that cheesy question: What is the purpose of my life? If only it were as easy as taking up a random miscellanous faith and believing it on command. God = purpose? But even the wonder of the infinite, of that certain ineffable something, stirs no purpose in me. Not now, perhaps. Now, I merely ramble and shamble along. Hoping I end up somewhere. Anywhere. Nowhere.

All the seemingly purposeful designs of my daytime life are put to the test here at night. Perhaps that is why it is so difficult to get up in the morning. Upon awakening all is still dark and silent, and stirring against it requires the effort that only purpose can muster. To be sure, once one is up and about and touched by the rays of the morning, it is relatively easy to get moving again. Move, move, move. One little goal at a time. Makes things easier than to look upon that endless horizon, that vast expanse of dark, empty space. And yet it beckons. Surely there is some great mystery to be unraveled, waiting for us when we fall into the sky.

Geez, I must sound really depressed. But who cannot help but be so in the still darkness of the night, when the bounds of the universe become smaller than the four walls of one's room? But I can only ramble. In the here and the now I cannot resolve anything just yet. This is not, I am afraid, some grand exposition where I suddenly, magnificently, essay to tie every random thing I threw into the bubbling slew of my head into a neat little lump of whatsit. But perhaps there is tidbit or two to be gained, a mote of light--or dust?--that illuminates the tiniest of space. Perhaps my head is a bit clearer.

Oh, happy delusion.

theHERETICisIN.
o come, all ye faithful.

Le sigh.

A very idyllic Saturday. I slept for 16 hours, hohoho. I feel like a polar bear (hihihi it's an intern joke. An intern-al joke, get it??XD Hwahwahwahwa!XD) even if it's Saturday. Final presentation on Tuesday. That's, like, 3 days from now.

........

OMFG IT'S THREE EFFING DAYS FROM NOW!!ööö

Hahaha. Must. Work. Must. Work.

I shan't complain or anything though. All this "ang hirap ng work ko," "di, mas mahirap work ko!", "suerte ka nga eh, yung akin..." gets kinda old after some time.:p

So. Para matapos na. I blithely declare.

I have the easiest project of 'em all.:p

* * * * *

Hmmm. Biglang may tournament pala June 23-25. Shet.X0 Ohno. Cram training is what it is.XP Yaaaaah.

If I could describe my life right now, I'd just draw a blank. No, literally. Life then becomes much easier when you take it one day at a time, and take no notice at all of that wide glaring chasm of despair and doom and endlessness that is the rest of my life.XP Plod along. Plod along. Life's not worth living 'til you're actually living. And I'm not living right now.XP

Hmmm. Will this corporate world work with me, I wonder?o_0 Lalo na if by some cosmic joke P&G actually offers me work here pa in Singapore. Trundle along. Trundle along.

Lovely harp music here. What I wouldn't give just to let myself float away to the sounds of strings and woodwinds. Violins. Harps. Flutes. Float away. Float away.

If anybody has got a terrific idea on what could actually make life life, look me up please. In the meantime I shall be plodding along. Trundling along. Floating away. One day at a time.

............

Oh dear. I told myself I was going to make a happy blog entry this time.XP Oh well.XP

theHERETICisIN.
o come, all ye faithful.

.....

hmmm. you know what. almost all my blog entries whine about Ye Same Ole Drivel. hihihi. I guess I don't really feel comfortable ranting to anybody (kasi medyo dapat self-sufficient nga ako 'di ba wahahaha. Hmmm. San nanggaling yun?:D) so dito ko nalang naibubuhos. Hmmm. Kaso. Nagmumukha naman akong Bitter Person. Which I'm not, why, I'm the Avatar of Cheer!:D Hihihi.

Hmmmm. SHET. YUNG PRESENTATION KO BUKAAAAAAAAS. Grabehhh.XD Hahaha.

Errrrr. Off I go?:D

theHERETICisIN.
o come, all ye faithful.

...shet.

Um. Shet. Presentation na bukas sa boss ko at. 'Di pa ko tapos. As in. Grabe. At. Nagbblog pa ko ngayon.XD Hahaha.

And my true nature rises to the surface (and to the task). Hay. Mukhang 'di ko na talaga matatakasan ang aking crammer ways.XP Parang si Michael Corleone, in the end kahit anong pacute Sicilian Mafia pa rin through and through. Grabeh.

Um. Malapit na magpasukan. At. Shet. Kailangan kong galingan. Sinong nagsabi? Ako. Shet. Ayoko nang mag-aral.XP

Jack of all trades. Master of none. Yun na lang.XP

theHERETICisIN.
o come, all ye faithful.